Something to Be Thankful For

Boy, the grub sure has improved around here!

For the longest time, all the humans ever gave me was crunchy dog kibble. Well, that plus a few scraps of human food at dinner time.

But then my teethies started getting old and sensitive, and I didn’t like to crunch it up. Then they didn’t give me hard kibble any more, and I started getting moist food from a can. Then, as I got pickier, they started giving me even moister, tastier food from a plastic tray.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, all that strange stuff happened that I wrote about in my last story. After I got back from That Place for the third time, suddenly they started feeding me all kinds of good stuff. All human food, all the time!

Think about it! It’s like after 16 years, I finally graduated to the grownups!

Here’s what I get sometimes:

Yummy!

Some of you might remember I had a bad experience with this when I was a puppy, but when given in small-dog amounts it’s goooood.

Here’s what I get other times:

Yummier!

Can you believe it? They save the very best part of the chickum just for me.

There’s just one thing that is a little bit strange. When No. 2 gives me the chickum liver, first he takes a little white crunchy thing and then he kind of mooshes the liver around it. Most of the time I don’t even notice the little white crunchy thing, because I gulp that ball of mooshed-up liver down so fast. But sometimes I detect it and I spit it out. That makes No. 2 all upset. “Willie! You have to eat it!” he says.

Eventually when he’s satisfied that I’ve swallowed the little white crunchy thing, then I get a few bites of pure unadulterated liver, and that is much much better. Never mess with a classic, I always say.

So tell me, what are you thankful for today?

Turkey coma.

Woofs,
Willie

Edited: November 24th, 2011

Bark! The Herald Angels Sing

Remember back when I was young pup, and a tree came into the house? Well, I’m glad to tell you that it happened again! And again. And again …

Now, instead of being a surprise, it’s a tradition. And we dogs are very big on tradition!

Every year, around the time that the nights start getting a lot longer than the days, the same things happen. First a tree comes into the living room. The humans hang all sorts of stuff on it.

Here are three of the humans’ favorite hang-up things.

See how they look just like our Klingons?

But naturally this is the very best one.

It's a good ornament.

Then the stockings go up. We don’t have a fireplace any more in this warm place, but the chest of drawers works pretty well.

One for No. 1, one for me, and one for No 2.

The Klingons get into the holiday spirit, too, in a grinchy sort of way. They have some very strange ideas about how to celebrate. For example, they like to pull the decorations off the lower branches of the tree. And they like to drink the water from the bowl the tree sits in. “Mmmm! Yum! I’ve looked forward all year to tree-sap flavored water!”

Here are the calicoes doing their version of making merry.

Ho. Ho. Ho. Whatever.

Gradually, over the course of two or three weeks, presents start to pile up under the tree, but the stockings always stay empty. And then, one night while we are all asleep, something magical occurs! We get up in the morning, and the stockings are full of presents! It’s the big day!

The first order of business (before breakfast, and before the humans even get dressed) is to open the stockings. Here I demonstrate the proper technique:

I'm helping.

My stocking is the best, with lots of things that dogs appreciate, but No. 2’s is usually pretty good, too. It has a lot of sweet things in it. No. 1’s usually doesn’t have anything to eat, except shortbread cookies in honor of her Scottish grandma. It does usually have pieces of fabric for her to make the blankies with. She appreciates that.

Then we have breakfast. and then, it’s time for the presents under the tree!

When we were all much younger, the Klingons used to open their presents, nice smelly Klingon-nip toys, and then proceed to flop on their sides and act goofy for awhile. Now, though, they don’t even act like they’re interested, and I usually have to open their presents for them. I tear into the paper with my teethies and rip with my paws until I have gotten the thing uncovered. Klingon-nip is okay, but it’s no substitute for a nice yummy dog treat. That’s what’s in MY present!

After we unwrap the presents, No. 1 starts making a glorious Christmas feast! And when we sit down at the table, that’s the best part of the day, because as we all know, Christmas is all about eating.

I'll have a drumstick. And a wing. And a big hunka white meat...

Woofs,
Willie

Edited: July 11th, 2011

Doggie intelligence

Did I ever tell you about the time my humans failed the doggie intelligence test?

It’s a good story. It happened a long time ago, back when I was still a youngster and we lived in the old place. You know, the place that looked like this:

Except when it looked like this:

Or this:

Number 1 was always very proud of me and telling everybody that I was the smartest little puppy in the world. Her friend and fellow dog lover, who had three big clumsy white dogs (you can see one of them in this story), invited us over to take a doggie intelligence test.

So here are some of the things they have you do on a doggie intelligence test. They show you a treat and put it under a cup. Then you are supposed to get it out from under the cup. That was easy. I went over to the cup and did the “papillon wave,” where I reared up and waved my front paws vigorously in the air. The humans laughed, but it works every time. Out came the treat. “He asked for help!” they said. I passed!

Then there was the blankie test, where they put a blankie or towel over you and see if you can get out from underneath it. The white dogs, I’m sorry to say, failed this one miserably. You throw the blanket over them, and they say, “Who turned out the lights?” You should have seen them wandering around bumping into stuff. Their brains are almost as small as Klingons, and that’s really saying something.

I, on the other hand moved with such lightning-fast swiftness that they couldn’t even get the blankie on top of me! Woo hoo! I passed! Now can I get another treat?

Well, you get the idea. Ten tests passed with flying colors, ten treats. Oh, and did I tell you what the treats were?

Dog heaven

This was a big-dog house, so I got big-dog treats. I had never eaten those before in my life! Yummmy! More! More!

Now we get to the part where my humans failed the test. Number 1 was thrilled out of her mind, of course, because it had just been proven that I was the smartest little dog in the world. But you see, there was just one problem. A small dog’s stomach only has so much room in it, and when you stuff ten pieces of yummy big-dog treats in there …

Well, let’s just say that they came back out again. It wasn’t my fault. Towels were fetched. Apologies were made. And the smartest little dog on the planet went back home with two mortified humans.

By the way, just for fun, here’s a link to another dog who took the intelligence test and didn’t do quite as well as I did … LOL! Enjoy!

Woofs,
Willie

Edited: July 2nd, 2011

My favorite time of day

There are lots of great times of the day, but my very favorite comes in the evening when the humans start puttering around in the kitchen. When I hear the squinch-squinch sound of the can opener, then I know… It’s Klingon feeding time!

Here’s the thing about Klingons. They’re carnivores, which means they’re supposed to have nice meaty diets. The humans give me dog kibble, which is fun to crunch in your mouth, but it isn’t as juicy and stinky and delicious as food from a can. That’s the kind of food the Klingons get to eat. Well, two of the three Klingons anyway. The third one doesn’t care for moist food and only eats dry kibble, which only goes to show what small brains Klingons have.

Now you might think it’s a little bit unfair that the two sensible Klingons get yummy canned food and I don’t. But I’ll tell you a little secret. I get some of the Klingons’ food, too. Sometimes #2 sneaks me a bite, and sometimes I take matters into my own hands … er, mouth, and dart in for a bite when the Klingons are finished.

Of course, such an exciting event as canned food time demands a song. When dogs get excited, they sing. Don’t you?

Here I am, singing the canned food song.

In case you want to sing along, #2 made up some human words to the song. Of course the dog words are better, but the human words are good too. They go:

Canned food! Canned food!
Give me your canned food, do!
I like canned food
So much I’ll bark at you!

The melody is “Bicycle Built For Two.”

One of the Klingons also sings along sometimes, but she meows instead of barking and that just isn’t right at all.

Edited: April 30th, 2011

GoRVing

Gorving, gorving, that’s all the humans have been talking about for weeks now, plus the word Yosemite keeps coming up. Suddenly we go and get a ginormous car. They pack all sorts of stuff into it and take the Klingons to Klingon Camp and we drive away and that’s gorving.

A home away from home they call it. Me, not so much. There’s no center console for a little dog to ride on! Not that comfortable IMO.

The first night, we stop in a place that has lots of these great big gorving cars. It has a little building and for some reason No. 2 decides he needs to howl at the moon like the coyote on the side of it.

I am not impressed.

That night we slept in a bed that’s right inside the car! That’s what makes it a gorving. It was not all that comfy.

The next day we stop for lunch beside the road. Now we’re talkin!

Mine? Mine? Mine? Mine?

Ah, the life of the open road.

Great so there's a crystal clear lake back there. Where's the sofa?

We get to a place where there are trees bigger than they have any right to grow.

Not even a Great Dane needs a tree that big.

Still, there are fun times.

Sittin' on a log with No. 1.

Sittin' with No. 2 in an interesting area.

One time they tried to leave me in the gorving in my crate. I did not approve of this, and I let them know! Vociferously! This is not MY home away from home. You must not leave me here alone!

Pretty soon No. 1 came back and said she only hoped that No. 2 would not break his neck during his hike.

No. 2 came back safe and sound. Whew!

We saw lots of sights like this one.

It’s fine as long as all that water stays over there.

So all in all, gorving is not my thing. I’m just a home dog at heart. But still there were some fine times. Any time I’m with my humans!

Woofs,
Willie

Edited: May 7th, 2010

My favorite foods

• Meat
• Meat
• Meat
• Steak
• Hamburger
• Cheeseburger
• Turkey
• Chicken
• Fish
• Duck
• Any kind of meat
• Meat
• Lasagna
• Spaghetti
• Peas
• Broccoli
• Green beans
• Carrots
• Buttered popcorn — mainly the butter

Is it time to eat now?

Woofs,
Willie

Edited: April 19th, 2010

A tree came inside

Now it’s all brrrr outside again and the white stuff is back. You won’t believe this, but a tree came inside… right inside the house! Maybe it was cold.

Lots of new things around too.

One morning we ripped all the paper off of those new things that were lying around. Oooh, that was fun! They let me help and I ripped and tore with my teethies!

No. 1 got that large item. She uses it to put blankies over.

But, the most exciting thing that happened was right after lunch. Since the humans have trained me to lie down through dinner and always give me some of their food afterward, I’ve gotten the idea that doing a ‘down-stay’ is a good idea if I want a treat at any time, even if they don’t tell me to do it.

So I did a very polite ‘down-stay’ while they were eating lunch, and do you know what I got?
THE BIGGEST DOG BISCUIT I’VE EVER SEEN!

No. 2 got it out of the bag of dog biscuits that I had gotten under the tree. No. 1 said, ‘That big thing’ll make him sick,’ but of course I’m smarter than that. I ate two of the knobs, and then just carried the rest around with me the rest of the day, from the bedroom to the living room and back. There’s nothing better that carrying a big dog biscuit in your mouth.

Woofs,
Willie

Edited: October 12th, 2009